Ewan and Mairi's Big Adventure: 06/18/12

After a 'miss understanding' with the short sited, over weight, spade faced dictator lady in the train station we jumped aboard a train heading north. The rest of the trip was highly uneventful, borderline dull, until we reached the bus stop in Byron. The first thing you notice when the pneumatic doors hiss open and the warm air rushes into the arctic like interior of the bus is the defiantly distinctive pungent of weed. A quick dash to grab our bags before the senile bus driver unleashes his form of pay back by dumping your bags on the pavement in the most destructive way possible. Seeing his eyes light up as our board bag appeared from behind a small mountain of abused backpacks I seized the opportunity and dived retrieving them and denying him his revenge!

Only then did we start to think about the more than slightly suspicious situation we had got our selves into. Calling the man for a lift to our new accommodation we realised how vunerable we actually were and personally my thoughts went to where potential weapons could be in my bag and the best way of utilizing them. (Euan the MANTOOL was in pocket, but i wasn't sure what sort of damage I could inflict with a 2cm blade so concluded using it as knuckle duster would probable be the most effective application for the first round, well until I used to slice open my bag and retrieve the kitchen knife and pot lid (shield) stored at the bottom of my bag). The man ended up sending his guy who turned up in a Mk2 V.W. long wheel base Van-white with a broken sliding door-and his very uninterested/ing girl friend, he seemed just as thrilled to see us and silently drove us out of town...At this point im trying to work out which fingers would fit better between the man tools legs to make the most effective knuckle duster, all this while smiling and nodding while Mairi made small chat with the socially inert in the front.

At this point I'm going to describe what we were told to expect on arrival to our new accommodation. We would have our own room, in a house with 3-4 other young people. Bills would be included and rent would be paid once a week to the socially inert Swedish guy other that that all was good. House rules seemed reasonable no drink or drugs on site and no loud music after 10 as some of the house mates have uni/jobs early in the morning.

On arrival, our friendly driver tryed to lift my bags and failed...just shows that the big tanned Swedish frame had nothing on my super lean peely wally scottish a body! haha Anyway he led us past 5 or so shaggy and very stoned kids sitting around a table stewn with papers and empties and a badly leaking bong and into the house which seemed fairly nice. Maybe a wee clean up and it would be pretty cool and we could hear waves breaking somewhere so assumed we must be near the beach. Only then did he decide to tell us to we had to pay a weeks rent up front. 20/20 hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it was late we were tired and didnt really know where we were. We paid he then left and we found out we were staying in a box room crammed with 2 bunk beds and mattress on the floor. Bummer. Anyway live and learn and we would be working soon and be able to afford something nicer.

Employment...Up at the crack of dawn and a 45 min walk into town armed with glowing CVs and bubbling with enthusiasm for our potential new employers to see. For at-least 48hrs we pushed our cause talked to everyone explored every opportunity. At the end I had an offer for Wicked Campervans as a sales position, which sounded ok, but they called litterly as i was putting on my leash and applying suncream standing at the point looking out over the pass looking the best we had seen it...the conversation brief

-Can you come in now?

-Er..no sorry im a bit buisy for the next couple of hours.

-Would you be willing to commit for a minimum of 6 months?

-Er...what?! > MAIRI did you see that! emm...what was that?!

-I cant really hear you...

-Yeah sorry I'm on the beach, I was really looking for more like 3 months, my visa wont let me work for more than 6 months for one employer.

-We are aware of that and if you were suited to the position we could look into sponsorship.

-Sorry I don't think I'm up for sponsorship, well not unless my girl friend finds something. In fact I really have to go. Thanks for getting back to me, If you find a position for my girl friend too then call me back...MAIRI lets go! did you see that last set!!!!!!

And so our outlook went from finding employment to enduring the week in the house and surfing. Which was going exceedingly well until the last weekend when the lads we lived with (oh yeah there was 8 of living in the house) decided to invite 30 or so of their mates from Brisbane down for the Easter weekend. Now I and im sure Mairi too pride our selves in being able to say we survived uni, had the occasional wild night, seen a few messy hungover morning after wreckage in flats. What went down in that house that weekend was on a whole new level. Its not possible to describe the carnage, and it wasn't even in the funny oh my god we were so dunk and broke something last night type. All I'm going to say is we did what we had to do to survive.

On a more positive note we had our own Easter Egg Hunt! Which I was spectacularly humiliated by Mairi's superior hunting skills! (I'm still claiming shes had waaay to much experiance to make it fair)

After surviving our week in the hovel of a house we finally moved into a backpackers...NOMADS it seems is the place to be if you have a British passport! On our first night we abuse the complimentary drinks and got press ganged into a pub crawl-was meant to be 30 bucks in...we managed to miss that bit and enjoyed our free drinks all round the crawl. The last stop they decided to see what they could get their drunk 18yr british kids to do. Mairi's competitive side came out and along with the only other couple we took the dance floor where we were instructed it was musical statues...ahem...statues of sexual positions. The competition was fierce, but when it came down to the final it was the 2 couple left and a really awkward looking pair who had both had 'partners back home' (aye right!) The final was crazy and very close and our competition...well we pretended they had a chance but realistically it was over before it started! We won a trip to Nimbin, Weed Capital of Australia, (the less said about that probably the better other than i was very tired and hungry for a few days after), but the night wasnt over...well it was for 90% of the nomad kids who were shipped off back to the hostel, but we headed out to a surf pub on sound advice they gave away surfboards on a raffle. We were disappointed to hear it was skydive night, but bought to pints anyway...(was that kinda night) and found a seat, one where i could see the screens showing retro surf movies and Mairi could see the band. The band finished their song, and some idiot started talking on the mic, next thing i know Mairis head down sprinting across the dance floor. Assuming she was away for a tactical chunder I go back to the film, but next thing shes on stage and the guys giving her a free skydive voucher!!

The sky dive...why did it take us this long to do it...oh yeah cos its really really expensive for something most sane people would pay to avoid the privilege. That was kinda the approach I had taken up untill it was half price...It was FANTASTIC I really cant stop thinking about it, even now! We were the last 2 out of the seemingly very small and rickety plane, but i forgot all about that when the dude thrust into my lower back and attached our harnesses. Feeling very awkward with this new grinding a man position we shuffled forward and watched Mairi fall disappear out the open door.. The acceleration as we tumbled out was unbelievable and looking back at the plane the weirdest surreal feeling passed over me, where everything seemed to slow and I relaxed. The free fall was meant to the from the highest allowed in Aus and so the longest, but i could have free fallen for alot longer we didn't seem that close to the ground when we opened the shoot, but i was glad when he did because once he did we hit some turbulence and I really felt the harness...and his crotch. For the rest of the decent I questioned him extensively on the type of shoot, flying techniques and the differences between paragliding. Not sure who was happier to be unattached on landing! We were very lucky as all jumping had been put off due to strong winds all week and we were the first to jump that day and the second flight was cancelled and no more were scheduled for the rest of the day.